«I always go back to this room.»

Another night, another broken heart.
She had been telling herself that the feelings weren't there, anymore; or better, she had been ignoring them for as long as she could, and, whenever they emerged, she'd shut them down as nothing. Having been aproached by the girl she still loved, though, had made her realise it was useless. The recent crush she'd developed on the sweetest boy she'd ever met was nothing, compared to the feelings she had for the girl; it was like a raindrop compared to the whole ocean.
She didn't want to feel this way; she hated feeling this way, so dependent on someone who really didn't love her back, but she couldn't make her heart forget. It hurt really bad; it made her heart tighten, her lungs close, her eyes tear up.
She wanted to hate the girl for not loving her, for having lied to her, but she simply couldn't. She was never one to hold grudges, she was never one to dwell on things for too long.
She had forgiven her, but it didn't mean it hurt any less to have to be reminded of how her heart had been torn from her chest, stepped on, broken, ripped apart, right before her very eyes.
«You were so good to me...» She wrote down, knowing that this would make her feel slightly better. «You were the best thing to ever happen to me. I remember saying that to you, and I was really serious; you made me smile like no other, made me feel good about myself...» She continued, and, although these were good memories, not even the ghost of a smile grazed her features. «But then, then it changed... I started fucking up, like I always do, and I guess I tore you enough to make you forget about me, right? I was never good enough for you... You were too good.»
At this point, the girl was breathing erratically, fighting her tears with all she had; she didn't want to cry when one of her best friends was watching. It had been enough the first time it had happened, exactly when her heart had been broken.
«I forgive you, though... You couldn't force your heart to love me. You couldn't force your mind to remember me...» She typed, biting the inside of her lip in frustration. «You could've been truthful to me, though; I would've been much better, if you had been honest.»
She took a deep breath, then, as the song she was listening to began, again; it fitted her so much that she wanted to turn it off, but she couldn't.
«I'm doing it again... being conquered by someone who's far, who I'll probably never meet... It's almost like I like to hurt like this; I can't control it. I always end up trapped in the web of those who have more chances of moving on without me.» She wrote down, chuckling under her breath, void of emotion. «I'll just get hurt again, right? That's all I'll ever be, I believe. Hurt, over and over again.»
She looked at the tab on one of her browsers where there was a chance her crush had talked to her; she let her eyes linger, but didn't open it.
«I tell my best friends that it is because I don't know what to say, but I'm just afraid... I'm afraid he won't like me as much, if I open up to him. I'm afraid I'll fall for him. I'm afraid he'll hurt me like you did.»
After having written that she lowered her head, letting the lyrics for the song tear through her ears, afterwards lifting her face to the ceiling, looking through it at the sky. «I'm pathetic.»
Turning her head back to her laptop's screen, she kept on wondering why did she have to always get feelings for those who'd most likely hurt her. She wasn't just another one of God's puppets; no, she was special, the one he had designed to see how far a human being could go with so much tragedies upon them.

«Wash it all away. Watch it all fade away in the night.»