I want to be like you.

«I can't do this» the girl wrote, her eyes shiny with unwashed tears. «You see? This is why I don't take compliments, it always gets me sad. Because my subconscious knows that everyone's lying; they're lying, I'm not good enough. Never, ever, good enough.»

The song in the background was supposed to make her feel better, to make her feel beautiful, but it wasn't working; and why, must everyone ask? Because as beautiful as those words were, as great as the message of the song was, they weren't directed at her; they hadn't been dedicated to her, they hadn't been thought for her. Nothing was ever thought about her, was it?

No, of course not; who was she to have anything written about her? No one.

That's right, no one.

«That's just all I am, momma, isn't it? As much as they say, how can I believe them? I can't... As much as I try, I can't, because they're all lying. Lies, after lies, after lies. There's always someone better, someone stronger, someone prettier, someone who's more fit to be their friend, their lover, their whatever it is. I'm just stupid little old me. I'm no one» she typed out, anger and sadness washing over her words as she wrote them, furiously. «I might have pretty words, but they mean nothing. I mean nothing. I am nothing.»

By now, the tears were uncontrollable; she couldn't hold it in, not after last night. It had been too much, too beautiful; the dream had been too perfect. And now, here she was, stuck in the real world with barely anything to hold on to. Barely anything that made her want to stay; in fact, she didn't want to stay... she was just too tired to give up.

She wasn't capable of getting up and going after what she wanted; her brother was right. She would never be able to deal living in a world on her own; she would never be able to follow her dreams; she would never be able to prove to everyone that she was better than they thought.

«Worthless, right? That's the word they use for people like me» she wrote, her bottom lip trembling as more tears fell through. «I'm so worthless, I write about myself in the third person, because I can't even face myself. Funny. I can't face myself; I'm pathetic.»

It was all coming back, to her; she remembered the last time she'd felt like this. The state she'd left people in. The way her chest had crushed when she wasn't brave enough to go through with it.

All because of a dream. A dream she wished, more than anything, was true. All because of a stupid dream about a stupid boy she shouldn't even care about, anymore. All because her classmates thought it to be funny to joke about suicide. All because of everything.

«I'm slipping again, momma» she wrote, sniffing as she couldn't breath. «It's like Lewis forgetting about me was the last thread, and I can't back together. It's so hard, pretending. It's harder than before, and I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel anything at all. I don't want to... I don't want to live anymore.»

Crying, she let out her sobs, trying to even her breathing; she was going to do it again, wasn't she? It was inevitable, there was no way to stop this. It was a circle, it seemes; just a stupid circle she couldn't seem to abandon.

«Abandon... that's what I've been, abandoned. All my life. Intentionally, or unintentionally, that's all that happened to me. It's gotten to the point in which I abandoned myself. And no one can see that; no. Up until the moment they read these words, they can't see just how broken I really am. But that's my fault too; I shouldn't lie so much» she typed, shaking her head as the tears fell through. «And I can't come clean about this, I'm not brave enough. I'll just make another cut, deeper and deeper, until I'm out of here. No one can see. They can't see just how bad I feel, and it drives me crazy. Maybe I'm crazy already... Yeah, that's probably it.»

The girl sniffed again, this time writing slowly, the tears stopping her from seeing right; she knew her make-up would be smeared, but it wasn't as if she cared. She didn't want to care, she didn't want to feel, she didn't want to be.

«I'm so done. Why won't people let me go? Do they enjoy me suffer? Is it fun to watch me fall apart?» She questioned herself, closing her eyes for a second. «Oh, wait, they can't see how bad I really am feeling... That's why they keep me around. They simply don't know the truth. Funny how that's my fault. It's all my fault.»

Sighing gently, the girl cleaned her tears; she didn't deserve to cry, to smile, to do anything. She didn't deserve.

«Momma, come on, I think my time's here... Come get me.»

Lie cold in the ground like you.