Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly.

Starting over. That's the girl's new goal - she needs to start everything over. Her emotions need to disappear, so she can reset them in the way she likes. Her tears need to fade. Her heart needs to stop beating, so that she can bring it back to life on her own.

Relying on anyone else has been proved to be pointless; with the exception of her few friends and her favourite band, everybody else has let her down. The people she has ever fallen in love with, the guy she considered her closest friend for so long, her siblings, and even herself. She'd been let down one too many times, so she needed to start over. There was just a huge obstacle in the way - she didn't know how to.
To her, everything was confusing, and it never made sense when the upmost caring words were said towards her; she always feared they'd be lies. However, she'd chosen to believe them, and that's why she was so broken, these days.
Still, she couldn't simply stop trusting others' words; not everyone is the same, so what could possible tell her that they'd hurt her, like others did? How could she figure it out, before she some tore through her insides?
She couldn't.
«It's not that I don't want to move on, you know? But what if I do, and then you come back? What if the only reason you've been away, all this time, is because you had a problem? I don't wanna be the bitch who abandons you when you weren't able to warn me about anything» she types, a sigh escaping her lips as she does so. «At the same time, though, I'm making myself miserable... Sittin' around, waiting for you to give me any sign you're alive, constantly looking at the words we exchanged and simply missing you, wishing we could still say those words, maybe even new ones that would have me head over heels for you... I just...» She couldn't write it, then; if she wrote those words down, it'd become even more real, it'd crash herself even harder.
«I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm going to try to move on, darling. You were amazing to me, you made me smile like I hadn't smiled in a long time, you made me feel so worthy... But I have to do this. I can't... I can't keep crawling in the dirt. Maybe, someday, you'll come back and we'll be able to build up something, from that point on; but, right now, I need to let you go.»
She closed her eyes and clenched her jaw, at this point; the emotions were overwhelming, and the tears were at bay; why was it so hard to let go?
«I'm glad I still have my friends... I'm going to need them, like I always do. I feel so bad for making them deal with all my problems, but I need it, to understand myself; to get over them, myself. Just... I loved you, okay? It seems crazy, but I can fall so easily, and you had me on the floor from almost the first time we talked, and it's sad for me to let you go, but I have to.»
As the tears got even closer to falling, the girl closed her eyes, pulling her lips apart as a particular song got in her head; it was perfect for this situation, it seemed, and, with a shaky voice, she started singing it.
Goodbye, my almost lover.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance.
My back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.
She shut up after that, with her throat constricted and her hands shaking; she couldn't bear all of this, it was all too damn much. 
«It's time to start over» she told herself, clearing her throat; starting over meant forget about him, and she couldn't do it if she kept writing to him.
Sighing when she realised that, she closed her eyes, again, and leant her head against the wall, fighting the tears, still; this was so hard.... Why was it so hard.
«Momma... I'm letting him go, momma, and it hurts... Please, look out for me from up there?»

We're gonna work it out.